I can be better 

I can be better be so much better

I can be what you want I can be so much better

I can learn to dance learn to sing play an instrument draw paint cut fold glue art write better think faster be witty be pretty smile laugh listen say all the right things at all the right times wear all the right clothes try new things be impulsive be sassy be sexy be sweet be everything everything I can be good I can be better so much better perfect perfect

perfect I can be perfect 

for you I’d be 

perfect

I want the silences that linger,
that whisper
sweet nothings in my ear, their hot breath a shiver down my spine.
I want the silences that envelop me;
a blanket 
wrapped tight around me, a cozy Saturday morning cocoon 
I want the silences that comfort me;
a loyal friend,
saying all the things I never could, or when the time comes, nothing at all
I want these silences -
these silences that refresh and refuel, these tranquil moments, these quiet slices of a cluttered life;
not silences that scream,
“We’ve run out of things to say.”

in a dark hall in a crowded house you stand with an empty heart and you try to fill it

but you can’t fill a heart that prefers to stay empty you can’t give love to a soul not ready

love can be heavy for one too battered too weak too tired to hold to carry to support it

like the antique vase you trust only with the steadiest of hands love cannot be tossed around or thrown to just anyone with empty outstretched arms

you have to be ready for the weight

you both do

An open letter to a tattered girl:

              I don’t know you, girl, and you don’t know me. We’re characters in the same novel, but we’re in separate arcs; our stories are connected but not our selves. I’ve never met you. Or I have. You could walk right by me, greet me, make that momentary eye contact we sometimes have with strangers, but it wouldn’t make a difference. I’ve never seen your face.

But I’d like to think that if I saw you, I’d know; that your significance in my life would illuminate you like a lighthouse beacon, guiding me to you. You’d stand out, and I’d go to you, and this is what I’d say:

Maybe, you really did love him. Maybe the thought of letting him go was unimaginable to you, so impalpably petrifying. Maybe you loved him so much you lost your mind.

It’s scary, isn’t it? How easy it is to lose your mind?

I hope you know the truth now. I hope you know that when you love someone, you should want them to be happy. Even if that’s not with you. Even if it’s not the way you always planned. Even if it hurts.

You don’t know me, girl. We’ve never met. What you did has broken me in ways you don’t understand and probably never could. You didn’t think what you did would ricochet how it has. You hurt so many more than you intended. You don’t even know me, girl.

You don’t know me, but one day I’ll forgive you.

One day, I’ll have to.

            Until then,

                      Just another character